- "Teasing is wrong. Respect your elders. And remember, never, never ever, never ever EVER pee in your bed."
- "It's fun to watch birds kill pigs."
- "How about a young girl singing unnecessarily cheesy lyrics about the best day of the week, while a creepy guy raps?"
- "Why did you little hob-knockers vote for me? Teasing is WRONG! I will get my revenge on you little dumb turds. Dolph Anderson Alfred Garrison Harrison Larrison Barrison Rainbows III is AWAY!"
- "Turtles can't fly. You can't fly. Therefore, you must be a turtle."
- "Friends are like butt cheeks. They stick together no matter what."