Adults/Staff[]
- Ms. Adler - Our Theatre Director Who's Incredibly Competent But Favors Wacky Things And Has Been Here 25 Years
- Kat - The Interim Tech Director Who Used To Go Here Like Six Years Ago And Is Also Incredibly Competent
- Bill - The Boss G.od Former Tech Director Who Looks Like Walter White And Is Now The Manager Of Our Local Theatre (Used For Like Big Concerts And Stuff) But Still Pops Up Regularly And Everyone Loves Him
- Ms. Schuster - Kat's Mom And The Costumes Person Who Had Like So Much Work To Do
- Jayne Kaiser - Some Mom Who Does Important Shit Like Leading Cast Dinners
- Henry Lefkowitz - This Loser Who Did PR Stuff But Never Actually Got Anything Done (Just Kidding, I Love You Dad)
Cast[]
- Charlie - The Really Funny Possibly Gay Guy Who Actually Hates Being A Major Role But Ms. Adler Forces Him To Do It, So He Just Does
- Ryan - This Guy With A Real Player/Charismatic Personality Who Likes Me Because We Went To The Same Middle School, But Who Can Be An Asshole To A Lot of People (He's A Decent Actor and Singer and Trumpet Player Too)
- Jacob - This Guy Who Is Always Really Nice But Is Fairly Boring Onstage So He Gets All These Neutral Roles That Don't Really Matter
- Sarabi - Pretty Much The Best Actor In The School And She's Also A Really Good Singer But Can Be Kind Of Exclusive
- James - Lol Who Is This Loser
- Carolyn B. - A Junior Who I Used To Think Was Really Unpleasant But Actually Is Pretty Nice In General, But She Gets All These Announcer Roles So I'll Like Never Get One Until I'm A Senior
- Caitie - Ms. Adler's Second-Oldest Daughter Who's Good At Every Fucking Musical Instrument On The Planet And Also Singing
- Juliana - This Really Showoffy Dancer Girl Who Can Sometimes Be Chill But Usually Just Pisses Me Off
- Sydney - A Girl I've Known For A Long Time Who's Really Sweet To Me But Has A Tendency To Kind Of Piss People Off Which Makes Me Sad
- Anjali - This Girl In My Grade Who's Pretty Nice To Me
- Hayley - Ms. Adler's Youngest Daughter Who's Incredibly Tall And Developed This Really Chill Handshake With Me
- PJ - This Freshman Who Always Did This Really Annoying Fake Sneeze That Got Everyone's Attention
- Bethany - A Girl I've Known For A Long Time Who Has The Best Boyfriend Ever But Always Seems Depressed And Introverted And Grumpy; She's A Pretty Decent Actor Though
- Taylor - A Girl I Go Way Back With Who Hams Up Her Acting Way Too Much All The Time But Is Really Good At Singing And Just Being A Person
- Zoe - This Incredibly Opinionated Girl In My Theatre Class Who Always Kinda Gets Flak For Speaking Her Mind
- Sana - A Black Girl I Never Met Before This Year But She Seems Fairly Chill
- Danni - A Really Cool Lesbian Girl I Had A Crush On Last Year Who Does Shakespeare And Ironically Is Now Like My Best Theatre Friend/Best Female Friend
- Philip - The White Alex T Except More Composed And Nicer To More People (He Also Plays The Bassoon Which Is Coolish)
- Dorothy - The Girl Who Nobody Likes Who Is In Love With Nick Jonas
- Rachel S. - An Extremely Good Singer/Actress Who Is Also Really Sweet
- Romeil - This Freshman Who Went To My Middle School And Hangs Out With Alex T; The Second-Worst Freshman Of All Of Them
- Nate - This Nerdy Sophomore You'd Never Really Expect To Do Theatre But He's Usually Pretty Cool
- Chania - A Girl In My Theatre Class Who's Pretty Nice
- Carlita - This Freshman Who I Like Never Talked To
- Carolyn I. - Probably Like The Second-Best Freshman Who Is Really Tall
- Jon - This Really Really Really Really White Nerdy Guy Who Likes Ben Folds And Probably Became Like My Best Theatre Friend
- Dmyt - The Other Really Really Really Really White Nerdy Guy Who I Kinda Made Friends With But Only Makes Sex Jokes And Talks Down To Me; He Also Likes Blink-182 So
- Beny - The Guy Who Thinks He's The Next Justin Timberlake/Bruno Mars/Michael Buble And Everything He Does Seems Kinda Fake
- John - The Guy Who Played Tiny Tim But Was Actually Taller Than Scrooge #Whoops
- Alex T - This Man Needs No Introduction
- JP - Easily The Worst Freshman But Just Kind Of Obnoxious And Stupid And Changeable Over The Course Of The Year
Tech[]
- Sabrina - The #1 Stage Manager Who Is Super Nice To Me But Always Seems Stressed During The Shows
- Tori - The Fat Blind Girl Who Is Actually Pretty Nice But Always Seems Like Jaded And Cynical About Everything
- Kylah - The Assistant Stage Manager Who I Used To Think Was Smug And Annoying But Isn't Really That Bad
- Maggie Lewis - This Girl Who Will Probably Be Stage Manager Next Year
- Bridget - I've Never Really Met This Girl Honestly But She's Like A Junior
- Ariel - This Freshman Who Did Programs Single-Handedly Which Is Like The Worst Part Of Tech So Props To Her
- Jackie - The Really Nice Girl I Was On Lights With Last Fall
- Donovan - Zoe's Brother Who Owns Like A Million Snakes And I Always Compare Him To Donnie Darko In My Head
- Jordan - A Cool Guy Who Won My School Spelling Bee In Eighth Grade And I'm Kind Of Friends With; He's Like My Only Black Friend Actually
- Pernell - This Really Nice Guy I Did An Awesome Scene With In Theatre I Last Year
- Alex W. - Pretty Much My Best Friend Who Has Terrible Taste In Comedy
- Praharsh - Bethany's Adorable Indian Boyfriend And Self-Proclaimed "Queen Carpenter" Who Looks Really Good In A Dress And Is A Master Guitar Player
- Nick - Who
- Conor - The Helpful Guy In Construction Whose Face Looks Kind Of Like MrE's And Who I Used To Think Was An Asshole But Is Just Like Really Efficient And Shit
- Patrick - Our School's Star Soccer Goalie Who Is Really Popular And Once Was In A Bathroom Stall Yelling At His Parents On The Phone For Some Reason
- Maddy - This Girl Who Sings In A Band With Praharsh And Has A Cool Last Name
- Mi'Kayla - Some Girl Who Did Paint With...
- Ashleigh - This Girl With A Nice Ass (At Least That's What Other Kids Say) Who Was In My English Class Last Year And Just Constantly Ribbed On Me; Seriously I Kinda Hate Her Now Like A Lot
- Carley - Freshman On Paint Who I Don't Know
- Cecelia - Freshman On Paint Who I Don't Know
- Kate G. - Freshman On Paint Who I Don't Know
- Jennifer - Freshman On Paint Who I Don't Know
- Jane - Freshman On Paint Who I Don't Know
- Kate J. - Freshman On Paint Who Is My Former Best Friend's Sister And Complimented My Facial Hair Like 3 Times
- Kaitlyn - This Girl Whose Face I Used To Confuse For Maddy's All The Time
- Par - Her Real Name Is Par Tial, Like The Word Partial; That's Kind Of Hilarious
- Justin - A Guy Who Alex T Hates
- Erika - This Girl With A Bunch Of Piercings Who Adds -Pancakes To Her Last Name On Literally Everything And I Don't Get It, It's Obviously Not Her Real Last Name
- Sophia - A Freshman Who I Don't Know
- Jewel - A Former Actress In Plays Who Now Holds Like 11,000 Jobs And Can't Really Commit To Theatre So She Did Tech Instead
- Rachel C. - The Props Manager Who Is Pretty Nice
- Maggie Loughlin - This Girl Who Plays Piano Or Something Who I've Never Met
- Alexis - Jordan's Sister Who According To Alex T Is Really Really Ratchet Which Is Strange Because Jordan Is Extremely Not-Ratchet
- Katie - The Girl Whose Last Name Is Self
- Hadley - Co-Chief Makeup Person Who's Like Really Really Good At It
- Solomia - The Other Makeup Chief Who Is Ryan's Incredibly Long-Term Girlfriend
- Maddie - A Girl In My Grade Who's Good At Like Everything Musical And Takes Like 7 Years To Complete Tests
- Nilu - A Makeup Person Who I Frequently Confused For An Adult Because She Was Tall And Had Chill Hair
- Kayla - Some Freshman I Don't Know
- Kate L. - Why The Fuck Are There So Many Freshmen Named Kate On Tech
- Caroline - This Really Cute Girl In My Theatre Class Who Probably Doesn't Like Me
- Jazmyne - The Costume Chief Who Always Seems Stressed But Her Job's Pretty Demanding So I See Why
- Annie - A Girl In My Grade Who's Really Into Anime And Knows Like Nobody In Theatre But Is Kinda Chill
- Andrea - A Girl In My Gov Class With This Impossibly High Voice
Alumni[]
- Vincent Santiago - This Guy With An Awesome Name Who Was Apparently Gaston In My School's 2007 Production Of Beauty And The Beast And Showed Up To Warmups One Night But Didn't Actually Know What To Do
- Monica - Our School's Best Actress Last Year Who Showed Up And Hung Out And Stuff
- Kathleen/Shaelyn - Other People From Last Year Who Showed Up And Hung Out And Stuff
- Pierson - This Senior Last Year Who Was Really Nice To Me Who Showed Up And Hung Out And Stuff
- Ashwin - This Huge Black Guy From Last Year Who Scared Me But Showed Up And Helped Out On Tech
- Ahmed - Last Year's Sound Designer Who Is An Awesome Guitar Player And Hugged Me Like 3 Times The Final Day Of The Show Because He's Just That Awesome