The first 4 boots of each season are considered “Early Outs” in my rankings. If a team got past the first 4 eliminations in any season, they are not in this list.

                                   75 - Anthony & Stephanie


Most people find these two barely memorable, but I found Anthony’s personality grating. He was really full of himself most of the time, even though they were completely useless. And for some reason the look on his face just irks me. I still can’t tell if Anthony was trying to be sarcastic or if he is just that delusional to claim he still has his looks. I also can’t remember a single thing about Stephanie.

74 - Danielle & Dani


Ugh, screw those vapid bimbos. At first I was really looking forward to these girls, mostly for the moronic reason they share names with two of my best friends, but  they didn’t live up to my expectations… In the least. All they did was wear pink clothes with “PINK” written over their breasts, and fall for the flirting of another godawful team, but I’ll get to them if I ever start a different ranking. Then, Danielle returns in All-Stars, and you all know the end.

73 - Katie & Rachel


Katie & Rachel started out okay, they were an athletic F/F team who didn’t really do much. I even felt a little bad for them when they were eliminated since that leg was basically impossible to catch up. However, when I decided to watch the Elimination Station video, I saw how awful they were. Every time Rachel was on camera she was being a sore loser, and basically every ES episode, they bitched about how they didn’t want an F/F team to win. Well, too bad an F/F team won, suck it bitches.

72 - Avi & Joe


Another seemingly cool team. Two scrawny Jewish city guys: one claims to be “The Head” and another “The Heart”, however, I can describe both as “The Douche”. Starting with a drive-by “BITCH!” (reminiscent of certain fat bastards) to Meredith & Maria, they quickly went to the bottom of my rankings. Then, thinking they’re so smart, they don’t follow Gus & Herra’s directions (which are actually right), get lost and are out. Good riddance.

71 – Lorena & Jason


Ah, the first bickering couple of my slaughter. Lorena & Jason annoyed me since the beginning, even though it seemed like they were trying to be passed off as likable. Maybe it was just Jason’s douchebag-y face, I just can’t get over it. This, plus Lorena’s breakdown, where she screams like a dying whale because there’s no more milk is what puts them so low in my rankings.

70 - Preston & Jennifer


What did they even do besides bickering? I seriously don’t remember. Oh, and the way they were barely defeated by Christie & Jodi on that first leg footrace was delightful <3 

69 - Alison & Donny


Alison was pretty okay, I actually liked her, especially for a Big Brother alumni. It was Donny who got on my nerves, his condescending behavior at the bus with Alison was really uncomfortable. They get extra points for Alison’s amazing “MINE KEEP HAVING SEX!” line. I swear, the 69th place was an accident.

68 - Matt & Daniel


Good job on existing *clap* *clap* *clap*

67 - Marisa & Brooke


Another team I remember absolutely nothing about, and these weren’t even first boots. Either I have serious memory issues, or those two are the queens of slotfiller. Their mere existence bothers me.

66 - Kerri & Stacy


I started liking this team in the beginning of the season, they were portrayed as our everyday tomboyish country girls. However, when one of them revealed to be married to an NFL player, it seemed like all of their personality was artificial, and they felt just forced to me. Maybe that’s just me, though.

65 - Steve & Linda


Okay, I love Linda and I think she’s beyond adorable, but watching these two race was an agony. Linda was incapable of doing anything, and she just beat herself emotionally because of that, while Steve, instead of helping her, just made her feel worse. Watching them race was a torture because I genuinely felt bad for Linda 90% of the time they were on screen.

64 - Dennis & Erika


Dennis & Erika had, without a doubt, the best plot for a first boot. Dennis starts acting like an ass on the airport line, then wants to apologize, gives his taxi to another team, and are eliminated because of that. That still doesn’t change the fact he was an ass, and that this woman casted fucking Parvati on Survivor, too bad their plot can’t save them.

63 - Rob & Sheila


These two came off as not the brightest bulb, and couldn’t redeem their lack of knowledge because, oh well, first boots. I appreciate the irony of Rob being Timber Tina’s brother, but sorry, you’re nowhere as good as your sister. Also, lol at the fact I was so relieved when they were first outs because I read a fake spoiler that said they won.

62 - Dave & Cherie


Dave & Cherie are a team you kinda want to root for, but after watching them being a failure at everything you realize they have no chance whatsoever of surviving the first legs. They were really disappointing, actually. For clowns, they were pretty miserable most of the time. 

61 - Ethan & Jenna


I actually didn’t mind Ethan & Jenna, and was actually pretty sad when they left because they seemed pretty nice compared to other certain Survivor team. Then I watched Survivor and discovered Ethan has all the personality of a lemon that has been sucked dry and Jenna is a humongous bitch. At least that didn’t show here, so they’re not too low.

60 - Kellie & Jamie


F/F teams who are too dumb to live and fail at everything are not my kind of “g.oddess”, unless they somehow make it far and are at least mildly entertaining. The only thing I remember from these two is their demonstration of brilliance by their, “Muslims believe in Buddha, right?” quote.

59 - Garret & Jessica


Garrett talked about how Jessica was such a fiery Latina all the time, and she didn’t show a trace of personality once during the two legs they competed in, as far as I remember. Oh, and Garrett punched a boat, I guess that’s it.

58 - Pat & Brenda


I really don’t remember much about these two besides the fact they got lost and were eliminated because they went to the wrong pendulum in the detour. They’re pretty much neutral-zone to me.

57 - Hope & Norm


Speaking of neutral, Hope & Norm are the complete neutral of this list. I can’t really say anything about them because they were so… normal.

56 - Russell & Cindy


Similar to Hope & Norm, this is another team that causes nothing but indifference to me, I don’t even remember the leg where they were eliminated, or anything they did at all. So, continuing our bland couple slaughter…

55 - Matt & Ana


Another team that I’m completely indifferent towards. They’re just ranked higher than the other two because Matt’s hair is cool.

54 - Amy & Daniel


Borewhore slaughter! Ugh, I hated how everyone vilified Abbie & Ryan because they didn’t tell them they had found the abacus lady, I bet that if Amy had legs that would never have happened. YES I SAID THAT /sherri. However, my hate goes to the casuals, not to them, they’re still borewhores.

53 - Vipul & Arti


Another boring team. They’re just ranked above other bores because they have a distinction of being the only Indian team on TAR, so they’re ~unique~. Also, Arti is really pretty.

52 - Deidre & Hillary


Pretty forgettable first boots, I just remember them arriving at the elimination mat. Apparently, they appeared later on Maury’s or some shitty program like that, where Deidre was pissed at Hillary for being a lesbian or something. Meh.

51 - Shola & Doyin


Wow, TAZR2’s early boots were a bunch of bores. Anyway, the only thing I remember about these two are: someone’s foot being run over by a car, and the fact they got stuck in some dune, leading to their elimination. Next.

50 - Megan & Heidi


Probably the only team which is pretty much neutral for me in TAR7. They got their little hint of a showmance with Brian & Greg, and their “blondes out of their element” edit, but that’s pretty much it.

49 - Lisa & Joni


I really can’t decide if I love or hate these two, so I’ll put them in the “right above the complete indifference” section. These two hags can be either hilarious or grating with their hysterical-ness and OTT personality. They were pretty fun on the first leg, but on the second I just wanted them gone.

48 - Amanda & Kris


I felt like they were trying to re-create Kris & Jon with these two, but it just didn’t work out. On their first season, they just talked about being young and attractive… okay, they’re both really hot but that’s not the case. Well, then they were u-turned and everyone cried r.obbed g.oddess. On their second season they received u-turn on the first leg due to some rule and were eliminated first. I would almost feel bad for them but their elimination spared Ronald & Christinag.oddess, so IDC.

47 - Anita & Arthur


Enter the “Mildly Liked But Didn’t See Enough Of Them” section. These two were an adorable couple, but raced like they were taking a stroll in a park. They are in the same category as I put Dave & Cherie in, but much less miserable.

46 - Elliot & Andrew


Oh look, an alpha male team who’s not completely overbearing, I wonder what will happen to them. Yeah, turns out they were early-outs, but I enjoyed their interactions while they stayed, kinda different from most of the “we are the same person” twin teams. 

45 - Steve & Josh


I liked Steve & Josh, but that’s pretty much it. Their elimination was so wtf, though. Steve & Dave are seemingly the last team to arrive, with sad music and everything, when suddenly they are shown lost miles away, and I even forgot they existed XD

44 - Gina & Sylvia


Soccer moms <3 I have this random love for them, but they didn’t do much so I can’t really rank them higher than that.

43 - Misa & Maiya


I will always remember them as the girls who completely missed the pit stop mat which was just next to them and were eliminated due to it, but I guess everybody else just remember them for this. Well, at least that made me chuckle.

42 - Eric & Lisa


ROBBED! I know that I can’t count on suppositions for rankings, but these two showed more personality in their introduction clip than some teams in this crappy season showed during the whole show.

41 - Liz & Marie


As I said, F/F early outs who fail at everything are not my kind of team. They did show some signs of likableness, but that was when they were just hopeless, and everyone knew they were going to be eliminated. Overall, I don’t see what’s so great about these two.

40 - Dave & Connor


Okay, I get that the cancer talk gets annoying after the 12th time in the same episode, but these guys were great racers. To finish two legs in first place (even though the Express Pass was used in one of them) while limping is really impressive. I just wish they don’t return for an all-stars, because they will either be cancercancercancercancer again, or boring alpha-males.

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