Abbey is in her room. There is a picture of her mother next to her. "Hi, I'm Abbey. I want to compete in Total Drama, but if any motherf**king boys ask me out, I'm quitting." She then looks at her mom's picture and a tear falls down her cheek. She then turns off the camera.
Alex is sitting on his couch eating chips. He introduces himself, yawns, and falls asleep. The tape then ends.
Anderson is standing outside. "Heh. Well, pick me for Total Drama. Because I wanna do a better job than my sister, who did a really crappy job. You should consider me because I bring lady viewers with my manly charms. Check it."
A girl walks by, and he smiles at her and waves. The girl walks away disgustedly.
"Uh, yeah, ignore that. Pick me, Total Drama tools." he says, ending the tape.
Amanda is at her high school, sitting at a lunch table crowded with her "friends." Amanda says, "I'm Amanda. You should pick me for the show because--" She begins to whisper, "Every show needs an antagonist, and I'd be perfect. Hey Bobby!" A boy walks over to her. "I like your hair today! You look cute." The boy walks away. Amanda says evilly, "I actually hate his hair, and he's anything but cute." She then laughs evilly.
Antoine is in a park with Lou. He turns on a boombox. "Now somebody, anybody, everybody, scream!" Lou screams, and they dance for a minute. He then turns off the boombox. "I'm Antoine and those are my moves. And this is Lou." Lou waves. "S'up?" The camera turns off.
Ari is shown in her room. "Hi, my name's Ari. And I want to join Total Drama because... uhhh... well, lemme see here..." She pulls out a card from her pocket. "Oh, yeah, I'm nice... And funny, and friendly, and whatnot... This is so awkward. Mom, can you restart the tape...?"
Arthur did not audition for the show, but the producers saw him on Julia's audition and decided to let him in. See Julia's section for more information.
Bennett is at a cafeteria table, sitting with a dozen girls. "Yoooo, ladies, it's th' Ben-meister. And I think you should consider me because, well, I'm attractive, first of all."
"You got that right, Bennie!" says one of the girls. Three girls then kiss him, leaving kiss marks on his head. "Uh, girls, step away, gimme some breathin' space." The girls walk away.
"So, yeah, pick me." says Bennett. Mitch then walks by, and kicks Bennett in the knee. Bennett makes a clicking noise at him.
Cammy is in a comic shop with a friend who has gothic clothes and a nose stud. "I'm Cammy. I hope you pick me."
Her friend says, "Here are the reasons you shouldn't pick her. She has bad breath, her hair is always greasy, she's not popular, she's never had a boyfriend, she spends all her time online, she's desperate, and her name is weird."
Cammy glares at her friend. "Sorry. She's not in the best mood today..." Her friend flips off the camera.
Carson is in the hallway at school with his friend Connor. Connor says, "Carson wants to be on this show. I think he should. He's totally cool, and watch him. He'll win this thing. Trust me." Connor then leaves, and Carson smiles for the camera.
Casey is in her room, with many stuffed animals that are all wearing sports jerseys and Luv Purple.
"Hi. I'm Casey and you should pick me be--" begins Casey.
"Because she's really cool and fun and she's my BFFFFL." says Casey, moving around a stuffed unicorn with a volleyball shirt on to make it look like it's talking.
"And she's also really cute." says her stuffed turtle with cool shoes.
"She's also on my soccer team and she's really supportive and pretty too. She always has the best clothes." says a stuffed bear that resembles Meg.
"And I used to date her but she broke up with me." says a G.I. Jimmy action figure.
The camera zooms into a goldfish in a tank.
"Ughhh, say your Northworth line, Swimmy." says Casey quietly from behind the camera.
The fish does nothing.
"You totally ruined it!!! Take two. Urgh." says Casey angrily.
Chelsey is at a table in the lunchroom. Her friends are all wearing sports jerseys and Luv Purple.
"Hi. I'm Chelsey and you should pick me be--" begins Chelsey.
"Because she's really courteous and nice and she's my BFFFL." says Sammi.
"And she's also hot." says Manty.
"She's also on my lacrosse team and she's really supportive and pretty too. She always has the best clothes." says Meg.
"And I used to date her but she dumped me." says some guy named Tyler, not the TDI contestant.
"If Chels wasn't in my life, I don't know where I'd be right now." says a short girl named Hunter.
"Oh, and her boobs are really big. So pick her." says Northworth.
"Chels, you're auditioning too?! Awesome, we can watch N-Shore together!" says Elle. Chelsey groans.
Chrissy is shown in a street, next to a motorcycle. "I'm Chrissy," she says. "I'm not exactly the most caring or loving individual, but I can still make this show interesting. Watch this." She gets onto her motorcycle and drives it off of a ramp. "See that?! Expect way more of that," she yells. A dude's voice is heard. "THAT WAS HOT!"
Devin is hanging out in the street, by some gangstas in the background, who are smoking, swearing, and sagging. He says quietly, "Yo. I'm Devin. See those homies? I'm their tightest friend. I want to win this Schooly thing so I can prove to them that I'm jus' like them! Got it, producers? Word!"
Dolph is in his room, petting a hamster. "Why, hello. I am Dolph, and I have something to say. Never resort to potty humor as comedy. It is not funny, nor a good role model for the little children."
The hamster bites his arm. "Ow! Anus, what the heck?!" Dolph stares at the camera. "Oh, you're wondering why his name is Anus, when I said I hated potty humor. Well, his name was originally Angus, but I kinda forgot the G eventually... So, yeah. Pick me."
Donny is shown playing the violin in a grassy field. "What's up, dudes?" he says. "I'm just out here, livin' life. You know. Being all calm and whatnot. I used to not be all that calm." A flashback of Donny squeezing an egg out of a chicken and laughing maniacally is then shown. "...But I've grown past that. I'm pretty peaceful now. So pick me." He sets his violin down, lies on the grass, and smiles.
Elle is in her room, which is plastered in pictures of Snooki. A stereo is playing loud rap music. "Hey," she says, "I think you guys should pick me because I'm hot, and I like seducing boys. Ppprrrrr."
Her sister then comes in. "Actually, Elle, that couldn't be farther than the truth, I've never seen you seduce in your life."
"Shut the f**k up, Emily, I try." says Elle angrily. She winks and turns off the camera.
Emilee's audition tape is nothing out of the ordinary. She says hi, tells the producers that she'd be good for the show, then ends the tape.
Estrella is shown in her room, which is dark, candlelit, and features many suspicious-looking objects and tall bookcases. "Hi," she says. "My name is Estrella. Interests include never going out of my room. Ever. Though, I'm willing to make an exception for this Total Drama thing. But only because I'm obviously going to win. I... don't really like people, though. At all. They're all annoying nuisances. But, I suppose that's just another reason to pick me, fools." The lights turn dim and eventually black out.
Gary is in his room, eating a bag of Doritos. "Hi, my name is Gary." he says. "My buddy Frankie told me I should audition for this show, but I don't know. I mean, what if the people don't think I'm funny? Well, I want a girlfriend. All of the girls at my high school are nerds. What? You think I'm nerdy?" He then gets up and shows people his laptop. "This is my laptop, Petey." he says. "He's the dude who teaches me all of my memes. It's over--" The screen goes to static.
Gustavo is on a couch, watching TV. "'Ey. I'm a-Gustavo. I'mma audition fo' this show so I can win. Except I don' take any guff from no one."
Gustavo's mother comes in. "'Ey, Gus, I got your ointment."
"SHUT UP, MA! I ALREADY TOLD YOU, I DON' NEED NO OINTMENT! NOW GO @#$% @#$%&!" he screams.
Gustavo's mom screams, cries, and scoots away.
Helga is in a beanbag chair, reading, when she looks at the camera and says, "Huh? What's a camera doing here?" She then introduces herself and continues reading. Loud noises are coming from the other room. Helga says those are her 30-year-old sisters who are having a wild party with boys. She smiles at the camera, goes back to her book, and the camera turns off.
Julia is in a park covered with snow, but she is only wearing a short-sleeved shirt. The camera seems to be very shaky. "Hi, Total Drama nerds." she says. "I'm Julia. Y' better pick me unless you want to wake up tomorrow morning underwater. Now, I'm gonna go roll around in th' snow."
She runs around in the snow, and gets very snowy. She then heads back towards the camera, but is hit in the head by a football and faints. Once she regains consciousness, she yells, "@#$% YOU TASIA!!!" The camera drops, and the camera person seems to be making a run for it.
Julia then gets hit by a snowball, and the camera moves to Arthur, who is standing there. He yells, "I'm morbidly obeeeese!" and ends the tape.
Kavren is on what looks like an elementary school playground's jungle gym. "Bleedle fleedle deedle bloop! Schneedle weedle sneedle soup!" he says. He then pauses. "Um, yeah. I was speaking in this new language I made up called Swaggese. I just said 'I'm Kavren, and I'm the best person you will ever meet'," he says. "I LOVE noodles, too! And girls! Mmm, girls are awesome. And I can also do this!" Kavren does a very disturbing thing with his joints that normal humans should not be able to do. "Pick meeee!"
Kurt is throwing a ball around on a soccer field. He says, "Pick me, and I'll make your competition EXTREME!" A ball then comes flying out of nowhere and hits him on the head. Two girls walk by and laugh at him.
Layla is shown by the pool, wearing an expensive-looking swimsuit and surrounded by a massive mansion courtyard. "Hiii!" she says. "My name is Layla, and I can assure you that I'm the richest, prettiest, and overall best competitor this Total Drama show has ever seen. I'm also really independent. My parents are never around, so I've learned to fend for myself." As she drinks from her expensive wine glass, she continues to talk, "It's a hard life. But, I can totally handle it! And that's why I can handle Total Drama. That's it." She pauses, and then yells, "CHARLES! Turn off my camera! NOW!" An elderly butler rushes in and presses a button, and the camera turns to static.
Lizza is in her room, which has many empty pop bottles strewn about the floor. "HIMYNAMEISLIZZA!" she screams. "Andireallywanttobeontotaldrama! Myfavoritecharacterwasizzybecauseshesjustlikeme! Andifiguredeveryseasonshouldhaveahyperperson!"
Lizza's dad comes into the room, with bags under his eyes and nothing but boxers on. "Can you keep it down? I already took my pills five times today."
"SORRYDAD!" screams Lizza. "ILOVEYOU!"
"Whatever." sighs Lizza's dad. He crumples onto the ground, asleep.
Mackenzie is in a hallway at school with a friend.
"Hi, I'm Mackenzie, and I'd like to join your show!" she says.
"Yeah, just because of Mitch, right?" says her friend.
Mackenzie glares at her friend. "Uh, I don't know what she's talking about... Pick me!" The tape then ends.
Manty is in what looks like a school cafeteria. "Sup, dudes?" he says. "I'm Manty. You should pick me for the show because I have cool shoes."
A kid walks by, and says, "Hey, Mant. Nice shoes."
"Yep," says Manty. "Also, I'm smooth with the ladies. Check it." He walks up to an attractive girl and says, "Hey, Sammi. Lookin' nice today." The girl, who is obviously Sammi, slaps him.
"Oh, you're grumpy today, huh?" asks Manty. "Well, maybe a little of The Mant will cheer you up." He leans in and hugs her, and she kicks him in the crotch.
"Whatever..." says Manty, then keels over. Meg walks by with some friends and laughs at him.
Mattie is at what looks like her camp. "Hi, I'm Mattie. Better make this quick. Kai and Quinn just finished their lunch. I'm smart, responsible, and a good leader."
"And super-hot." says some kid, coming up to Mattie.
"Charlie, I've told you a billion times, you're eight years younger than me. Not happening." says Mattie.
Two blonde boys come rushing out of the building. "MAAAAATTIE! PLAY WITH US!"
"Oh, dear god." says Mattie, and runs away.
Charlie picks up the camera. "She's so hot when she runs..."
Meg is running laps around her yard. She then stops and jogs in place while looking at the camera. She says in between heavy breathing, "Hi. I'm Meg. I want to audition for this Total Drama School thingy. My athletic abilities will help me wi... Oh man. Cramp! CRAAAAMP!" and starts sprinting inside. 5 minutes later, she comes back out and says, "Yep. That's me. My athletic abilities will help me win. I just hope everyone here is nice. Phew. See ya." and turns off the camera.
"I am Nic," says Nic, in front of a camera. "But truly, I am actually Alejandro Burromuerto in a different, less threatening body. I'm going to..." He rips off his shirt, revealing his skinny chest. "Woo some women! With my buff ab belly, of course. I will also..." He puts his sweatshirt back on. "Vote out the women after wooing them! One by one, they'll all go down. Believe me, I am the most evil that this show has ever seen. Even Alejandro does not compare to me. I have taken all of his traits and perfected them! Just pick me, and I promise a healthy serving of evil."
Northworth is standing in a school hallway. Manty walks up to him. "Hey bro, whatcha doin'?" asks Manty.
"None of your beeswax, you sugar wombat." says Northworth.
"Hey, you auditioning for Total Drama? I got voted off first of that thing." says Manty sadly.
"I know, Catherine Obvious. I'm gonna win, and pick up some hot chicks. And then, instead of calling me a turd, everyone will call me 'Northworth the Sexy Stud'."
Manty stifles a laugh, and Northworth kicks him in the crotch.
"Hello. I am Ori S. Gerard. I would like to join your show because I am very kind to others. Ask anyone." says Ori in his room.
"Ori, time for dinner!" says a voice from downstairs. "It's your favorite, those dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets!"
"GO DIE IN A MOTHER @#%&ING HOLE, DAD!" yells Ori. The tape then ends.
PJ is in the backyard, on a swingset. "..." she says. She then tries to get up, but can't. "...Darn." She looks at a large bottle of Gator Glue lying by the swingset. "Of course." she says quietly. "It was him."
A kid, probably her brother, runs by naked with a bunch of a girls. "HAHAHA!" he yells. "Sucka!"
"Anderson, you're soooo cute!" yells one of the girls. Anderson farts and runs away faster.
"..." says PJ.
Puck is shown in what looks like the icy north. "Hey, I'm Puck! I'm the coolest dude ever! First of all, I'm super social, and I get along well with others. I'm also a wilderness expert!" He picks up a raw fish, chomps on the head, then spits it out off-screen. "Yeah, I don't usually do that, but that one was... expired. I really hope I can make some really good buddies on this show! I doubt anyone will hate me, or anything, I mean, why would they?" He shrugs. "So, 'water' you waiting for?" He then laughs obnoxiously at his own pun. "Pick me!"
Ricky doesn't have an audition tape, instead it's his parents, because they signed him up. Ricky's mom says, "Hello, Chris McLean. I'd like to have my son Ricky join your show. He needs to learn social skills and he just sits at home the whole day. Thank you." Ricky's mom leaves, and you see Ricky's dad, who is lying on a couch groaning.
An extremely tall girl is sitting on a couch with a smug-looking bulldog. "Woof." it says. The girl (who is obviously Sharissa) says, "What's up, world? I'm Sharissa." She then cackles. "I think this thingy would be fun. I'll get to meet cool people. Of course, if there are stupid people, I'll beat them up just like I did to that kid in Kindergarten." She then gets out a large garbage bag, grins, and the tape turns to static.
Tolkien is shown in his room, which resembles a typical nerd's lair. "Hi, my name is Tolkien, but you can call me the Luncheon Master," he says. "I like to think I'm pretty good at the card game stuff. After all, I do have a holofoil Black Mage card..." He holds up a rare-looking card. "I think I'd be a pretty swell competitor, since I know tons of battle skills like how to properly wield an electro ball 'n' chain! But I mean, I just want to meet some girls who like Luncheons and Laggins as much as I do. At this point, I've kinda just accepted that that'll never happen."
Trick is outside in a skating park, listening to his uPod. He turns it off and winks. He then does a skating flip on one of the structures.
A girl comes up to him. "THAT WAS HOT."
"Er, thanks?" says Trick. "Help me." he mouths.
Wolfgang is shown in the woods. "Hi," he snorts. "My name is Wolfgang, and I DESPISE EVERYBODY. Seriously, this is the only place where I can get away, besides my basement where I play Planet of Battlecraft 24/7. It helps me take my anger out." He sighs. "I want to get away from this awful town, but I also don't want to run into any imbeciles. I'm sure they'll all be imbeciles, though. At least I have my fashion sense." He strokes his hair. "Pick me. Or else."